Pola, 48, read another note out loud: “I started dating a couple of women but they were both just a ‘hit and quit’ … I never called them again.” She pondered those words for a few seconds — the hitting, the quitting — then came to a realization: “That’s Jose!”
The purpose of the exercise was to stump one another; if a mother could not guess her son’s secret (and vice versa), then the son would win a romantic date. No, not with his mom. With one of the other moms. It’s a little confusing — both morally and logistically — and we’ll fully explain before you call the police.
The aforementioned scene took place last week on “MILF Manor,” a new TLC reality show that has ignited the internet and, despite two decades of people doing all manner of self-debasing things on reality TV, has prompted an unusual level of shock, horror, disgust, laughter … and well, again, horror. The premise of the series, which aired its third episode Sunday night, is that eight attractive single women in their 40s and 50s are matched up with eight attractive single men a few decades younger in age. The twist dramatically revealed in the first 15 minutes of the premiere — described to its unsuspecting participants as a “unique dating journey” — is that the men are the women’s sons. The goal is to find love.
“I don’t really understand what all the fuss is about,” said Daniela Neumann, Managing Director of Spun Gold TV, the London-based production company that created the idea and co-produced it with eOne. First, she explained, one of the purposes of the series is to erase the double standard stigma of older women dating younger men. So really, the show is about female empowerment. Second, she said, everyone on the show had a good time. Third, every man is someone’s son, right? (Fact check: true.)
“So I’m not quite sure what the big deal is. No one’s doing anything wrong. And these are all consenting adults,” Neumann continued. “I don’t really understand it, but I think that anything that provokes conversation is a very positive thing.”
“MILF Manor” has indeed provoked conversation, thanks to the title alone. The acronym has been a pop culture mainstay since the 1999 teen-sex comedy “American Pie,” in which a group of high school boys drooled over “Stifler’s mom” (played by Jennifer Coolidge) and declared her a “Mom I’d Like to …” well, you can guess. When contacted by The Washington Post, “American Pie” screenwriter Adam Herz confirmed he did not invent the phrase, but can take credit for popularizing it: “When I say I ‘take credit,’ I put that in quotes, because it’s a dubious honor.”
Neumann said she never really gave each letter much thought; her own son told her MILF stood for “Mother I Love Forever.” (“I don’t know about in the States, but in the U.K. it’s used as a positive term,” she said.) Kathleen Finch, Chairman and Chief Content Officer, U.S. Networks Group at TLC’s parent company Warner Bros. Discovery, reportedly told attendees at a recent industry conference that they considered other names and knew this one would be controversial but “that’s exactly why we chose it. We like causing attention.”
The show has received plenty of it, from dark jokes about how Sigmund Freud would have a field day to viral clips posted to social media. There’s the competition where blindfolded moms have to run their hands over the men’s abs and chests to see who can identify her own son’s body quickest. The scene where one mom admits to sleeping with her son’s best friend, an admission that rattles her son so much that he strips naked and jumps in the pool to contemplate his existence. The clip of one man describing his mother’s breasts in detail seems almost quaint after spending just a few hours in the Manor.
Of course, these ingredients are a classic reality TV concoction: Take a relatable premise (dating, family), add a twist (dating … while family watches??), then throw in a few more fever dream elements to get people talking and — even more importantly — watching. TLC reported that the premiere reached more than 3.1 million viewers; the show continues to pick up steam online and has been covered everywhere from British tabloids to the New Yorker, the latter of which described it as “perhaps even a rock bottom” for reality TV.
And in some ways, it’s surprising that it’s taken reality TV this long — after years creating and televising nearly every social experiment imaginable — to arrive at a place that was predicted in 2008 on Tina Fey’s prescient “30 Rock.” During its second season, the NBC comedy skewered competition reality shows with a “Survivor”-esque fictional series, “MILF Island,” described as “25 superhot moms, 50 eighth-grade boys, no rules.”
That episode, mentioned in nearly every story about “MILF Manor,” made quite an impression on fans: Veteran comedy actor Rob Huebel, who starred as the host of “MILF Island,” said he has received tons of messages on Twitter and Instagram since the TLC trailer dropped, with people joking, “How can they do this show without you?!” (“MILF Manor” has no host and communicates challenges and updates with its participants by text message.)
Huebel played the part as an ultraserious Jeff Probst type, standing by gravely as the moms took off their bikini tops and threw them in a fire pit when they were voted off the island. “Obviously the writers were trying to make the most absurd premise ever for a show, and it only took 15 years for us to get to that reality, which is — ” Huebel said, and paused. “I’m not sure what that says about us.”
Neumann said she has never seen “30 Rock,” and her company came up with the idea after discussions about “cross-generational dating.” It took shape after a divorced colleague went on vacation with his sons and was startled one day to see his son chatting up a woman that he, the father, had enjoyed a conversation with earlier. That, combined with another show they were kicking around about the bond between mothers and sons, gave them the concept for “MILF Manor.” They shopped the show around to several networks that passed (Neumann declined to reveal which ones) until it landed at TLC, whose executives were delighted.
Casting was difficult, Neumann said, particularly finding single moms with single sons who had time to film a reality show in Mexico for about a month. Kelle Mortensen, who was 50 when filming started last February and lives in Orange County, Calif., was recruited by a casting director who found her on Instagram.
“I didn’t know exactly what it was about, but I was like, ‘Okay!,’” Mortensen, a mom of six, said in an interview. (Remember this quote the next time you watch a reality show and ask, “Why did these people agree to this?!”)
The series was vaguely described to her as an empowering show about older women dating younger men, Mortensen said, which sounded intriguing, given that she’s enjoyed casual relationships with younger men since her divorce. She was told that her eldest son Joey, 20, was invited along to be her support system — she didn’t even know the title of the show until her final interview after filming, when producers asked her to read a line for a show promo: “Up next on ‘MILF Manor.’”
So no, she was not expecting Joey to be living among her dating pool. But she quickly made the best of it, and instantly cemented her reputation as the “outrageous” mom who would cause the most drama. “I’ll be in the hot tub at 10,” she announced after the twist was revealed. “Sorry ladies, I might be sleeping with your son!” (“Ma, you have got to chill out,” Joey pleaded.)
Mortensen said she has not been reading the online discourse, but has received many supportive comments on Instagram. She added that despite required awkward incidents within the show, she enjoyed spending rare one-on-one time with Joey, which doesn’t happen often when you have six kids.
“I got to see him as a man instead of a little boy and see how he interacted with other women … like learning how to date, how to talk to a woman, and stuff like that,” Mortensen said. “For me, it was an amazing experience. I would totally do it again.”
During one of the less-unhinged moments of the premiere, the moms discuss phrases like “MILF” and “cougar” that refer to women of a certain age that can do a number on confidence and self-esteem. “I think that’s where society is totally messed up,” Mortensen proclaimed.
Neumann is aware of the horrified reaction to the show by many, though she reiterated that she hopes the show will spark these kinds of conversations. “And isn’t that part of the purpose of TV, entertainment, culture, art?” she said. “It’s to get people talking about society and how we are and how we operate.”
And in the “MILF Manor” society, during the most talked-about scene in the premiere — one that Neumann and Mortensen reiterated was “not sexual” — the young men took their shirts off as the cameras zoomed in on their sculpted abs. The moms donned blindfolds and rubbed their hands over the men’s shoulders, chests and stomachs as they tried to figure out which one was their son.
A few of the sons found it hilarious (“I just hope she doesn’t go below the waist whenever she’s groping these guys!” Joey said of Kelle) and a couple of the moms were weirdly prepared. (Pola noted she would recognize Jose’s “very deep” shoulders anywhere.) Others tried to bring some levity: “Who’s ready for a checkup at the doctor’s office?!” Shannan called out as she sauntered over in her blindfold.
In end, Pola’s knowledge of Jose’s deep shoulders paid off; she, along with Stefany, won the competition with the fastest times. Their prizes were the nicest rooms in the manor — which they had to share with their sons.